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Happy B-Day to myself.  My theme for turning 30, Willin by Little Feat.

Theme for turning 31, Lightning Bar Arlo Guthrie

Theme for turning 32….check it out.

I think Midnight Special rocked.  One reason:

Gary Wright kicks green donkey penis!  …..and they knew it..Let’s party.


The table of dreams that you see at the top of the page, died tragically in a windstorm.  There was no refuge for this beautiful, gorgeous lawn delight.  The evil winds of hard rock and un-smooth music swooped the innocently mellow congregation of table, umbrella and chairs into the depths of the sea of westwood.  There is but only a few chards of glass left to memorialize this wonderful monument.  There are no pictures of this tragedy. Who would want to see this horrific site? No one. No one with a heart.

All is left is this account and hope for the future:

Torn between the Un-smooth’s insistence that he must live in the real world and John Oates plea, Poko finally runs to the nearest porch, and screams the name “Hard Piece” out into the night.

Poko then appears standing with the John Oates, who says that all of Paradise was destroyed by The Un-Smooth, whereas Poko’s bravery helped one chard of glass from the dream survive. With this one chard of glass, Poko can rebuild the entire Paradise through wishes and imagination. Poko wishes for Paradise’s restoration, and for a ride on the seas of smooth.

The Scene went something like this:

(The front yard is being taken away by the Un-smooth. Because of Poko’s new found disbelief, the Un-smooth has grown stronger and is now attacking the last remaining part of Paradise.)

Poko:  What do I have to do?

John Oates: You have to give me a new name! You’ve already chosen it. You just have to call it out!

Poko: It’s only a story, It’s only a story.

(Paradise shakes and the wind blows harder)

John Oates:  Poko! Why don’t you do what you dream, Poko!

Poko: But I can’t! I have to keep my feet on the ground!

John Oates: Call my name!  Poko, please!  Save us!

Poko:  All right, I’ll do it. I’ll save Paradise! I will do what I dream!

(He climbs up the stairs.  He leans out into the storm and calls the name he had chosen for John Oates)


(NEXT SCENEDarkness, pure and black as night. We hear Poko speak.)

Poko: Why is it so dark?

John Oates: In the beginning it is always dark.

(A small light appears and starts growing until the two smooth men’s faces are illuminated. It is coming from an object in The Hard Piece’s hand. Poko looks at it.)

Poko: What is that?

John Oates: One chard of glass. It is all that remains of our smooth empire.

Poko: Paradise has totally disappeared?

John Oates: Yes.

Poko: Then everything has been in vain.

John Oates:  No, it hasn’t Paradise can arise in you.  In your dreams and wishes, young Poko.

Poko: How?

John Oates:  Open your hand.

(Oates puts the chard of glass into poko’s hand and poko looks at it)

John Oates:  What are you going to wish for?

Poko: I don’t know.

John Oates:  Then there will be no Paradise any more.

Poko: How many wishes do I get?

John Oates: As many as you want. And the more wishes you make, the more magnificent Paradise will become.

Poko: Really?

John Oates: Try it.

Poko: Then my first wish is…..

(Oates follows his gaze and smiles.)

(CUT TO-Poko and Head Honcho drinking sailing the seas of smooth with a miller lite and Christopher Cross playing on the porch. Below, Paradise has been reborn.  Everything appears as before)

Poko: Head Honcho, It’s more beautiful that I thought!

Head Honcho:  Like it?

Poko: Head Honcho, It’s wonderful! It’s like the Un-smooth never was!

Head Honcho: What would you like to wish for next?

(CUT TO-View of the the gorillas two doors down talking in the street.  They look over and see Poko and Head Honcho appear and start chasing them. They Scream..)

Dumb Gorilla 1:  Oh no! SMOOTH!

Poko: Yeah!  Look there they are!  You guys need to shut the fuck up!

Dumb Gorilla 2: Hey let’s go inside and shut the fuck up!

(one of themcires pointing to the alley by their house.  They start to rest but Head Honcho chases them.  They start running again!)

Poko:  We’re gonna get you guys!

(They run down the alley and jump into the dumpster as Head Honcho almost get there! They peer out of the dumpster then duck back in.)

(VIEW-of Paradise and the Sky.  We hear a voice, a narrator that sounds like Michael McDonald.)

Michael McDonald:  Poko made many other wishes and had many other amazing adventures before returning to Paradise…But that’s another story.

Come one come all to the front yard of dreams!  I decided to invite way too many people to the first annual Happy Hour in Paradise!  Let’s see what happens.

Tell us if you are coming, click your answer in the poll below, then click vote!

Bring your own bottle or small keg of beer. My buddies JB and Regular size nick could sure use the empties for their mini keg Christmas tree this year!  I’ll have some standard mixers for booze.

This good weather might not last for ever so lets set sail for one last time…at least!!!

Come by and see how many people I can get in my front yard!

Bring your lawn chairs if you have em and we might even bust out the grill!  who knows?  what?  papa johns?  oh shit!

Paradise open from 5:00pm til whenever Kenny Loggins comes over.  He always ruins the party.

Party Cove After-Hours Pandora station will be featured tonight.

( I shoulld be home by then, but if I’m not, let yourself in!) LET’S KICK SOME ASS!!!!

Just thought I’d post some videos that the crew at Westwood Paradise Yacht Club really enjoy. I hope you enjoy them too!

John Oates really is “The Hard Piece” in this one!  As most of you know, “She’s Gone”.

Michael McDonald just Keep’s forgetting!  Me too, after a 1.75 of Ten High Michael.  Don’t lose the smooth!

And Michael with the Doobies:

We will call him “Christopher Cross”. Set Sail!

This one’s for you Poko.  Cetera ’08!!! Like an angel!

It was a long weekend at the American Royal BBQ for Westwood Paradise and Maximum Loin.  We kicked some ass, kicked some more ass, then kicked some ass some more!

All in all Maximum Loin took 154th place over all, finishing in the top 33% out of 475 teams.  The delicious BBQ was better than ever for the parties thanks to Brian Roseman.  Beer pong was a sucess thanks to!  Also many thanks to KC Lofts and Coyote Mike.

Poko and I got back to paradise at 4 am Saturday morning.  Ouch!

Way to keep it smooth Poko.

Well, the Westwood Yacht Club is starting to resemble The Abandoned Luncheonette this week.  As some of you might know, She’s Gone.  Barb went out of town this week.  I’d better borrow some money from Poko, so I can pay the devil to replace her.  I’m kind of afraid to go in the door tonight.  Hall might just be in there drinking water out of a Hookah.

Oh no.

It was Saturday night, everyone was inside watching shitty movies…or semi-shitty movies at least….the Paradise was calm, except for some primitive gorillas consuming “The Beast” on a porch three doors down.  I was inside in the kitchen getting a smooth drink, when this horrible high pitched screaming commenced outside. 

Somehow, an intoxicated gorilla made his way into a truck and decided to “kick some ass” by peeling out in the street for somewhere in between 15 and 30 seconds.  This would be the equivalent of a wild gorilla beating on his chest to show his low intelligence.

I came outside and was met by Poko, who was also in awe.  Across the street i heard a door open and then a Kate popped out in full face-paint, ready to poach the wild gorillas jumping around in their jungle.  She said some mean words that I won’t repeat here.  Then the door shut and re-opened.  One last yell was heard from the crazy gorilla poacher we call Kate:

“We don’t need that in WWWWWWeswwwoooood”, then a pause,”PARADISE!!!!!!”

Needless to say…the gorillas mysteriously disappeared.


The other day, the strangest thing happened…

I was sitting in The Westwood Yacht Club and Parlor and out of nowhere there was a poof of smoke!  Suddenly “The Hard Piece”appeared and was talking crazy about some “Worlds of Fun” Hearse doing a drive by on Westwood Paradise on a Friday evening in September or October! 

He said something about ghouls that look like Hall or something and then he stuck his finger up his butt and disappeared.   The smell of ten-thousand markers lingered in the air and left me astonished! 

Amazing….I’m starting to think the Westwood Yacht Club and Parlor  is Haunted by these little jerks…Hall and Oates.

Hall was pissed when he didn’t get the invite to the Coconut Party at the Westwood Yacht Club and Parlor, held on August 23rd, 2008.  He was super upset because She’s Gone and and nobody gave a rat’s ass to invite him.  To add to the agony, he caught wind that John “The Hard Piece” Oates was spotted at the party!  Amazing! 

How many Coconut’s does it take to get “The Hard Piece” excited? 

A half a nut.

Word on the street was that Oates must have huffed ten-thousand markers before he came over.  “He smelled funky, like a second grade art project.” said one coconut drinker.  He must have been sad since she was gone.

Anywho….the turn out was wonderful and the coconuts were plentiful.  Everyone had a good time and a hangover the next day.  What a success! Thanks Barb!

Click “The Hard Piece” Picture to go to the slide show!

"The Hard Piece" Oates. She must be gone!

Gary is fond of the plum smugglers cove.

The Days

May 2018
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