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Happy B-Day to myself.  My theme for turning 30, Willin by Little Feat.

Theme for turning 31, Lightning Bar Arlo Guthrie

Theme for turning 32….check it out.

I think Midnight Special rocked.  One reason:

Gary Wright kicks green donkey penis!  …..and they knew it..Let’s party.


The Butt

And so, David took charge of the Weber and smoked a pork loin carolina style.  There was meat abound; as vast as the sea.  Smoked to perfection, we feasted in Paradise.

It was a long weekend at the American Royal BBQ for Westwood Paradise and Maximum Loin.  We kicked some ass, kicked some more ass, then kicked some ass some more!

All in all Maximum Loin took 154th place over all, finishing in the top 33% out of 475 teams.  The delicious BBQ was better than ever for the parties thanks to Brian Roseman.  Beer pong was a sucess thanks to!  Also many thanks to KC Lofts and Coyote Mike.

Poko and I got back to paradise at 4 am Saturday morning.  Ouch!

Way to keep it smooth Poko.

Well, the Westwood Yacht Club is starting to resemble The Abandoned Luncheonette this week.  As some of you might know, She’s Gone.  Barb went out of town this week.  I’d better borrow some money from Poko, so I can pay the devil to replace her.  I’m kind of afraid to go in the door tonight.  Hall might just be in there drinking water out of a Hookah.

Oh no.

It was a standard evening in paradise… sometime last week.  The Hard Piece and David were most likely in the front yard, kickin it with some brew and tunes.  The weather has been changing a little lately, so the front door seems to make its way wide open on occasion… gotta let a little paradise in ya know.  This particular night we happened to let a little more than paradise in….

The next night, I was alone while David was boozing it up at the Keyhole.  I decided to put away some great new items that I had bought at Crate and Barrel, but something was amiss.  I was about to grab the bag by the handle and saw a new friend looking back at me. 

It seems that Westwood Paradise is not only a haven for Smooth, but also a haven for wildlife!  I tried to find what species this little fella (or lady) is, but didn’t have much luck.  I did however, brush up on my wildlife photography skills.

Sad to say that the friendly little grasshopper hung around a few days, but has since dissappeared.  According to David, “He was pretty quiet for a grasshopper, never gave us any trouble.”  Perhaps he was nearing the end of a long life and wanted to spend his final days in a utopia.
It may never be known what drew the creature inside, but it’s quiet possible that he was captivated by smooth.  Was he just curious?  Is he hiding in a crack awaiting the perfect moment to grasshop?  Did he escape back into the front yard?  We may never know.

It was Saturday night, everyone was inside watching shitty movies…or semi-shitty movies at least….the Paradise was calm, except for some primitive gorillas consuming “The Beast” on a porch three doors down.  I was inside in the kitchen getting a smooth drink, when this horrible high pitched screaming commenced outside. 

Somehow, an intoxicated gorilla made his way into a truck and decided to “kick some ass” by peeling out in the street for somewhere in between 15 and 30 seconds.  This would be the equivalent of a wild gorilla beating on his chest to show his low intelligence.

I came outside and was met by Poko, who was also in awe.  Across the street i heard a door open and then a Kate popped out in full face-paint, ready to poach the wild gorillas jumping around in their jungle.  She said some mean words that I won’t repeat here.  Then the door shut and re-opened.  One last yell was heard from the crazy gorilla poacher we call Kate:

“We don’t need that in WWWWWWeswwwoooood”, then a pause,”PARADISE!!!!!!”

Needless to say…the gorillas mysteriously disappeared.


The other day, the strangest thing happened…

I was sitting in The Westwood Yacht Club and Parlor and out of nowhere there was a poof of smoke!  Suddenly “The Hard Piece”appeared and was talking crazy about some “Worlds of Fun” Hearse doing a drive by on Westwood Paradise on a Friday evening in September or October! 

He said something about ghouls that look like Hall or something and then he stuck his finger up his butt and disappeared.   The smell of ten-thousand markers lingered in the air and left me astonished! 

Amazing….I’m starting to think the Westwood Yacht Club and Parlor  is Haunted by these little jerks…Hall and Oates.

“Hungrily and greedily, it devours its prey…”
Witnessed first hand last night at westwood paradise, this praying mantis made itself at home on our front stoop and decided to eat dinner with us.

The word mantis derives from the Greek word mantis for prophet or fortune teller.  Unfortunately, this particular mantis was so caught up in its dinner, that it wasn’t able to tell me much about my future.

Discussion about The Mantis consumed the front yard and even lead to a discussion of how lizards will camouflage themselves when they’re near any substance.  Even feces.  Mantises are masters of camouflage and most species make use of protective coloration to blend in with the foliage or substrate, both to avoid predators themselves, and to better snare their victims.  Our Mantis was definitely in Stone Mode, and did so to snare a cricket.

To debunk Thad’s theory about how dangerous a mantis can be, let it be known that mantises can bite, but they have no venom, and are not dangerous to humans. They do not appear to be chemically protected; nearly any large predatory animal will eat a mantis if it is able to detect it.  David however, the large predatory animal that he is, did not try to hunt The Mantis.  Was he frightened by the Mantises generally aggressive nature towards one another?  Most species are readily cannibalistic when given the opportunity.  Our Westwood Paradise Mantis was indeed chowing on a cricket, and not one of his own.

Find out more about The Mantis at the following links:

Gary is fond of the plum smugglers cove.

The Days

May 2018
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